Integration: from the mind of a sleep deprived momma

There are so many topics to cover when it comes to life-in-general. I’ve struggled throughout my years to keep them all separated in a magazine article sense, mainly because I see them all as integrated. One thing leads to another – it’s not just a song – it’s truth. The separated mind leads to a disconnected sense of being, and that’s why I find myself, often times, starting to write about one thing, then, tangentially moving to another and then the next and the next. There are times that I write Topic outlines: I choose a subject, draw the outline, have an exact thesis and conclusion and then proceed to write. However, you tell me: is there EVER one subject that does NOT give birth to another? Maybe today I’ll write about integration.

To Integrate: combine (one thing) with another so that they become a whole.

Integration: the act of integrating one or more things so they become whole or in harmony with one another.

Part of me would like to start this essay as a question, reverse jeopardy style: I ask the question and you answer with a statement…

Most likely I will answer with my own statement and then beg for someone to answer me with more questions. After all, how else do we expand our sense of awareness and knowing, other than to always ask the question – whether it be to each other or ourselves?

Are we truly whole if we spend every moment of our lives trying to compartmentalize and separate each and every moment, thought, activity, person, relationship, objective, etc.?

No.

We cannot be in harmony with ourselves or others or things if we spend all of our time trying to separate them and trying to understand each ‘thing’ in a silo. NOUNS cannot be silo-ed. Nouns become subjects, and subjects are nothing without verbs, adverbs and adjectives. Think about that English lesson for a second…. We define a Noun as a Person, Place, Thing, or Idea. What are any of those without something else to bring them to life? If I say, “Chloe.” What are your immediate thoughts? Maybe, “Chloe is a name.” “I am Chloe.” “Chloe writes.” “Chloe is a mother, a sister, a daughter.” “Chloe means: blossoming; verdant.” You see, subjects are nothing without something else to give it life and meaning. The subject must integrate with another thing or action to give life, presence, and meaning. Our lives are the same. As humans, we are made up of cells that create masses of tissue, bone, and then we have a brain, which creates directives to those cells and tissues and bones to circulate blood, evoke thought and emit emotions based on chemical reactions and synapse firing. We also have a soul, a life-force that runs through us; a spirituality of sorts, that is NOT a part of our definitive shell, but reaches far beyond our bodies; our mortal coil, if you will. Let us just take the human condition into account for a moment…We TRULY ARE miraculous and beautiful beings to behold. At any given time, the Human Body has hundreds of sequences that are unfolding, replicating, and integrating at one time – and I’m not even including the brain in this. When we talk about the human brain, the number of synaptic relays and cause:effect transactions that occur in even one minute are innumerable. The reason why we will not presumably figure out the human mind in our lifetime or many more and the reason why Psychology as a study, remains to be an ART and not a SCIENCE is because each brain is unique and each time we map it, there is a different result that is unique to the human it is connected to…. Because it INTEGRATES differently dependent on the subject. What’s so funny, is that our bodies and ALL the bodies of all living organisms INTEGRATE so flawlessly, yet, we as humans – the king of all species – cannot seem to integrate our selves very well at all. No, we as humans, like to separate EVERYTHING from OUR TRUE SELVES. We separate color, beliefs, thoughts, emotions, professions, hobbies, arts, talents – we micro separate within each level just to try to gain what we think is more – yet the more we separate, the further we get from integrating and the further from our purpose and our self.

We can, however, understand and map out patterns. From there, we can begin to understand and instigate integration of those patterns in order to create a harmony of the senses. So, let’s begin… In Psychology, full integration is defined by traversing the river between Chaos and Rigidity – the middle of that River is Harmony and we get there through integration. Through understanding and being AWARE of the difference between KNOWING and the KNOWNS, is where integration lives. If we could take a bird’s-eye-view of our Self and see it as a Wheel, we can see things in absolute. Think Wheel of Fortune here: on the outside of the wheel you have the KNOWNS (facts); at the center of the wheel, you have KNOWING (your awareness; very different from the KNOWN); the spokes on the wheel are the connections or AMOUNT of ATTENTION you focus on the KNOWNS. If we can simply take a breath in a moment (any moment) and allow our self (different from the body and the brain) to realize that there are multiple eco-systems at play that are creating an effect – we can then also understand and realize that WE, our Self, has control over how we CHOOSE to integrate or separate our actions and level of emoting that we give to each thing. However, the KEY is that we must take all the factors into account and see them for what they are and then choose to integrate them in a way that creates harmony. Because, if we choose to only see one part of the equation, i.e. the NOUN that stands alone – our minds want to define that noun however we see fit for the outcome we want in a brief moment – but not for what is actually IS. True Awareness comes when we have the ability to Integrate the entire wheel – the knowns, the attention, the self awareness of what is and what could be, then the body follows. Emotions are then fired, memories logged. Everything in life is an “If:Then” excel function. What’s in between is the integration; (i)is written that way because it’s imaginary– what is in between is such an inconstant because it is so dependent upon the ‘thing’ on either side that influencesit.

So try, try to think about everything in your life, in your self, in your BEING and try to define all of it separately, without one thing influencing the other and without integrating all aspects, without exclusion. The truth is, you cannot. One thing is connected to another – no matter how seemingly despondent. We can only CHOOSE to do our best to integrate all the pieces in a way that cause harmony and not rigidity or chaos, and we do that by standing in our awareness and trying with all our energy to stay present in the center of that wheel. I say all that to say, I refuse to try and separate one thought from another, one passion to be better than another, because they are ALL equal and the only thing that separates them is my choice to focus on each one independently. I feel, focus, and enjoy them all the same. They are what they are and everything is exactly and only what you make it to be, but without YOU, everything is just the same. So go ahead, write all you want, say all you want, let there be tangents, let the stream of consciousness lead the way, because in some way, it is all connected.

Let It Be. (not just my favorite song from The Beatles) You'll find it's all connected and it's better if you see, understand, and accept the connection. xxx, Chloe Jasmine

If you’re asking what in the fuck you just spent your time reading…. Keep asking and see what you find.

You’re welcome. It should also be noted: sometimes, I am an asshole when I write. The beauty or asshole-ish-ness is in the eye of the beholder. #integration #bebold #Betenacious #BeYOU