Knowing Your Worth

"Know Thy Self."

The concept of knowing, apart from the "knowns", is an old idea - so many hundreds and hundreds of years old; however, today, we still have such a hard time grasping that concept and then holding onto it day-to-day. I start with the quote, "know thy self." Because once you know and CAN separate your SELF from your thoughts, then, and only then, are you able to delineate your true worth from your perceptual value; or what others may call your "value add." However, this particular post is not about teaching you the intricacies of knowing yourself - but instead, truly understanding your worth. Your worth is NOT what you do for a living, it's not your career, or your ability to make money. It is not how pretty or charismatic you are, not the materials you have. Your worth is something that is intrinsic, you were born with it - therefore it cannot be lost. We can all forget our worth at times, but it is forever within us, a part of us, and a part of the universal truth - our job is to REALIZE it. Rather, Worth is like Hope - easily forgotten, ignored, and pushed into sorrow; yet when realized, when recognized and found, it is immeasurable and infinite, because it comes from an unlimited source and one that is connected to all. Your worth is an energy, just like you - and energy cannot be destroyed, but is ever changing. I have a Taosit saying that I go back to often, "Life is change. Change is optional. Choose wisely." I find myself looking at that almost daily; sometimes with ease, other times, almost begging myself to grasp onto those words. And rather than write this 'hippie-dippier' post on how everything is always connected so we should just open ourselves to KNOW what is right in front of us - without any explanation, other than preachy words that sound nice - I'm going to be 100% transparent on how shit is and how we all come to this question.... then I'll try to help guide an answer.

So, honestly, I've been looking for a new job since I was 6 months into my last career move, which was 4 years ago...You see, I had and will always want to have my own company and was very successful in it... Then the economy crashed and well, so did Start-up companies - for a while -which is what I used to specialize in. After my own company, I went to work in branding and marketing for various organizations, across multiple industries, over the next decade, plus a few years. Each time, working for someone else, I was asked to define my worth with a number - "what is your comp requirement?" And as many of you know, who actually know your worth - the number you give and the number you feel are two VERY DIFFERENT things. Even so, you may go to work for a lesser value, and then you are again asked to Prove that value, time and time again (FYI, that will never end - mainly b/c we live in a world where we are so removed from our own Faith in ourselves that we even ask wild animals to prove their loyalty to us.) Personally, I am absolutely fine with proving my value within other's organizations - it doesn't scare me, because I have faith in my ability to learn fast and rise to any task that is placed in front of me. However, there ARE times when we become beaten down by bureaucracy, bad or mismanagement, and poor environments and leaders in our work place and in our lives. In these times, we tend to lose our sense of self-worth or worth in general. In times like this, it doesn't matter how much money we make or what we do, we can sometimes become fooled by the projections and narcissism of those that do not value or see the worth in themselves and therefore, not in others around them. My latest professional experience was very similar.

I transitioned to a new place of work, not because I needed to, but because I was looking for a new geographic location and I was wanting to experience another locale and higher reach. I moved my entire life and thought, by all signs and words promised, that I landed in a great place... then one day, when talking to the CEO of the company about hiring people for a team that had seen a lot of attrition b/c of the high level of maintenance required by a client, I simply asked that I be a part of the hiring process (as I led the team), or that they hire people with as much or more experience than I with clients of this particular level, so that we could cater to all the needs of the client and keep them successful. The CEO's response to me was, "Chloe, I just want warm bodies in chairs, they don't need experience - I don't care who we lose, we will get more." I walked away from the CEO's office in a bit of a shock - for two reasons: 1) This meant they have ZERO care for their employees and 2) they have no respect or care for the clients that make their company successful. I walked away thinking, "Oh My GOD! I just moved my entire life to another state for some asshole who doesn't have any respect for business or the people in it! How can I work with someone like this for long?!" So to recap, that was 6 months into a job I was hired for over 4 years ago. I stayed for as long as possible, through utter disrespect to myself, my role, other peers, and clients - through it all, I pushed myself, telling myself that I could be the one to make a difference, I could change the course of such a wrongly directed ship. there were many great and talented people who left before I, and they said, "I have never worked for a company that makes you doubt yourself more than this one.", amongst other things. I spent the next 3.5 years looking for something I wanted, while doing my best at the thing that I was hired to do previously.

Most would think with my resume, i could find many things easily, and I did. However, I kept going back to that awful feeling I had, walking away from the CEO's office, and then I asked myself, "Where do I want to be? Why? and Who will that be with?" Always going back to, "WHY?" I found myself not just building a resume of all my accomplishments, but instead, I started to build my ideal company again, my list of values, and one that would convey my worth to the world that it came in contact with. And not just the company I wanted to create, but an alternative to that - "if I didn't work for myself, what would I do, who would I want to be with?" I went back to my true vision and self worth, the value I want to bring to the world, not just to my bank account. What I came to, is something that I've always known, but tend to forget or ignore at times: I am a healer, a nurturer, and I want to help the world in a way that will change lives for the better for many many years to come. That's my worth and my why for everything I do. That's something I've known and felt within me since I can remember and it will NEVER ever change or be lost, it grows in different ways, but the core is unending. Is it on my resume though? Nope! Would it matter if it were on my resume, in today's professional landscape? Not a chance! But, it is what drives me, it is why I am so good at all these other skills that are on my resume and is the reason I've accomplished so much in my life. Some people would say,

"Chloe's great a relationship building.; works well under pressure; in a fast paced environment.; thinks out of the box.; Rises to the occasion.; A problem solver.; Understands everyone's needs and can deliver; Able to have hard conversations and come to resolution; deals well with adversity; Driven."

But those are just the result of worth, not the actual worth. And your resume is simply a list of various accomplishments and roles in which you have had the opportunity to extend your worth to others. That being said, I took all this time and kept finding things and things found me that just didn't quite fit. I kept thinking to myself, "this is the universe telling me to reach further; I'm getting closer to what I should be doing." In that time, I also got frustrated with the process and began to beat myself up -wondering WHY I had stayed so long with a company I knew I should have left, maybe this was holding me back, or maybe I was being told -"DON'T FORGET YOUR WORTH!" Then I'd go off an build a business plan for my dream company and research all others like it or other people like me and tell myself that I was nowhere near where I needed to be to execute it in the way I needed to... Yet, I would refuse job offers from companies offering WAY more than I wanted or cared for monetarily, but could easily run circles around. And then, one day, I found something, or it found me - something that spoke to me. It wasn't my own company (which I WILL have again one day), but it is a cause - one with weight, one that pulled on my soul. I have the skills to fit it and to propel it forward; it's a tall order, but can do it. It cannot pay me the monetary value that others could, but what I gain is something far more than money can ever buy, and that is that I could be using my skills to do exactly what it is that my worth brings to the world: changing it, healing it, loving it - and THAT is worth everything! Worth is in all of us, in infinite supply. And yes, there are times, much like what I just shared with you when we forget it, ignore it, or just downright say "fuck it!" Sometimes it takes years to recognize or reignite. In these times, we become so removed from our worth that we become depressed, insecure, and lack self confidence - which can lead to months or years of doing things we don't want to or shouldn't be doing at all. But when we find our worth and do feel worthy, we accept and invite the things that are meant for us without hesitation, we may even find that the right things find us. But this is not serendipity, this is the value of understanding your own worth as a part of the whole. Once we find ourselves within the world and understand our role as one in a million things and a million within one, we surrender to, and accept our successes, failures, and mistakes as simply a part of the journey and we open ourselves to all of the potential around and within us. So dig deep, deeper than what you do every day, to the core of what draws your soul near, ask yourself, "Why?" and in that, you will find your true worth. It's not on your resume, but it's in your soul - start there, then find a way to do that and I promise you, you will be fulfilled in a way that you could never imagine. Know that your worth is never lost, you only have to look and you will find it.

#KnowYourWorth #Worth #WorthIsInfinite #WorthIsWithinYou #DoWhatYouLove #ShowYourWorth

P.S. If you're wondering... As awesomely as I tried to make a difference and good change in my previous company, b/c of the poor leadership, there were many layoffs and eventually, I was part of them. However, I saw it more so as a blessing than a kick in the teeth - I was being pushed to do greater things. I could no longer ignore my worth or have it be ignored by my peers or a poor leader.